Bad 'ole Rocky Top

The thought of Jon Gruden rescuing a slumbering program is the equivalent of crack cocaine to desperate, delusional fan bases.

Tennessee is the latest to have gone on the Gruden binge, and now the hangover is something wicked.

When a coach from a Big East school (Charlie Strong) says no-thanks, it seems like a new low for Volunteer fans.

Until they remember that Brian Kelly said no-thanks from his Cincinnati post a few years ago.

Are these reports really true that Phil Fulmer and Tommy Bowden are new targets for Tennessee? The SEC seems different now than when Fulmer last walked the sidelines. It was absolutely cut-throat then, but now it seems it's at another level. And if I logically try to attach the last name "Bowden" with that job, the first person I think of is Terry Bowden. Papa Bowden always said Terry was the best coach of the bunch.

Then again, Terry went 1-11 this year at Akron with the only victory over Morgan State. So maybe never mind on that.

As someone who has zero stake in the matter, and who merely wants to be entertained, I'd suggest Bobby Petrino. He's a scumbag, but he's a winning scumbag.

Gregg Doyel summed up his allure in this column:

But he's so damn tempting. He's more than the fruit you can't touch -- he's also the snake hissing at you to approach, pluck it, taste it. Just one bite, Mr. Director of Athleticssssss. He'll win gamessssss. He'll make your program millionssssss.

He'll embarrass you, eventually. Or he'll make you furious. One or the other, maybe both, and ultimately he'll leave in a way that leaves you stunned. That's how he left Louisville, flirting with every big-time school that batted its eyes, even a school (Auburn) that still had his friend (Tommy Tuberville) as coach, then vowing to stay, then leaving anyway for the Atlanta Falcons. That's how he left the Falcons, too, not sticking around for one full season before leaving a cowardly note in each player's locker explaining it had been real, and it had been fun, but it hadn't been real fun and he was going to Arkansas.

And that's how he left Arkansas.

That's how he will leave his next school, too, but think of the short-term benefits: He'll win more games than he should in his first season, and he'll win even more in Year 2, and by his third season -- assuming he's still there -- he'll have that team contending for a conference title. And all the while, Mr. Director of Athleticssssss, think about selling all those ticketssssss.

He's temping, this snake.

I mean, who do they have left? Rumor has it the fry cook at a Knoxville McDonald's has removed his name from consideration.

LW